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How To BOFF Difficult People
Ever had to give some difficult feedback to a colleague or a member of staff? Maybe their negativity in meetings is dispiriting for everyone. Or maybe they are saying inappropriate things.
It’s never easy to broach these kinds of issues. Do it clumsily and you might make the situation much worse and cause more upset along the way. But if you don’t do it at all, you can watch morale slip away.
BOFF stands for Behaviour, Outcomes, Feelings, Future and it is a brilliant way to deliver difficult feedback in a way that makes sure the person hears it, while also being positive.
You simply work through each of the stages as you describe what you see. For example:
“I need to talk to you about the way you are behaving in meetings. You are being really negative and it has become a bit of a habit.”
“This is making it difficult for everyone else to be as enthusiastic as they want to be, because you are creating a negative mood. That’s not a good outcome for anyone. Especially you.”
“When you do this I feel really sad. I think other people in the team feel sad too. And there is a risk they won’t want to work with you anymore.”
“I don’t want that. And I am sure you don’t want that. So in future I want you make a conscious effort to say something positive at the start of each meeting. I think you’ll find it transforms the way people respond to you.”
It can take a little practice to do this right. And you often have to deal with interruptions and excuses. But, it works like a charm, so stay calm and keep going.
You’ll be BOFFing like the best of them in no time.
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